Note: this is a modified version of an article I posted on Substack in my newsletter The Queer Autistic Newsletter. You can read the oiginal version here.

When March got here I started getting so ready for the arrival of Spring and Summer. I was so excited for the trees to finally show off their green leaves, as well as to start planting my garden and reseeding some bare patches in my clover lawn1. I was also looking forward to warmer weather and imagining nourishing mornings sitting outside and journaling. For awhile I got to delight in the warmer weather of Spring, go for sweaty walks on my dirt road wearing only a light Carhartt sweatshirt and feel that joy of seeing Spring arrive.

But nature had other ideas and I woke up today to see the trees and ground covered in snow. I admit that there was first a big part of me that is like “absolutely not!” I really want the bloom of Spring to be here, I desire so much to have the warm Spring air on my face and I feel mentally done with shoveling and cold weather.

Photo description: An image of Tiffany’s background the second week of April. There is snow covering the ground and in the trees.

But even as I felt that “are you kidding me, it’s April!” part of me, I also started to notice the beauty. How gorgeous it was to see the trees glimmer with snow again and the blanket of quiet after it snows that I love so much. I also know that I can trust that Spring (and then Summer) will come and that there will come a time when it’s so hot out and I’m getting attacked by mosquitos when I’ll probably look back with fond memories of the magical snowy winter. As I was noticing the both/and of “I really want Spring to bloom in all of of it’s greenness and warm weather” and “Wow, this snowy day is so beautiful and peaceful” it reminded me a lot about healing. Of moments when I’ve really wanted the bloom, where I deeply desired the freeze to thaw and the reality was that I was still in a state of freeze.

In somatic trauma resolution we talk about how important it is to trust our own healing timeline. To honor that we each have our own inherent treatment plan and our own right pacing in our healing. Instead of a pushing past our limits or “all or nothing” approach to healing, trauma informed healing includes consent and cooperation such as:

Allowing our emotions, impulses, body sensations and instincts to be here. That might look like allowing any sensations, instincts or impulses you have to be here and to validate that they make so much sense. Can you validate that how you’re feeling makes so much sense and give permission for it to be here?
Give yourself permission to harmonize with your needs, sensations, emotions and impulses. Instead of judging or shaming yourself for what you’re noticing, it can be so supportive to give yourself permission to cooperate with what you’re noticing in small doable ways. If you’re feeling sad, what would it be like to allow your body to express that sadness in a small but doable way?
Full permission to honor your no instead of labeling your limits “resistance” and pushing past them. Sometimes the most healing work we can do is to honor our limits and to give ourselves permission to be a no for as long as we need. What if your body’s no was really important information that you honored and respected?

It can be so beautiful to gently work with our physiology, to create the right conditions we need for our own healing journey and to tend to our healing at a pace that feels doable in our nervous system. But this more gentle approach to healing also means that we need to trust our own healing timeline.

Tend to the roots & trusting the bloom.

Photo description: a dirt path goes through the forest, you can see green trees and ferns on each side of the path.

In my experience with somatic healing (both as a client and as a somatic coach) it that sometimes it can feel like not much is happening but really so many things are happening below the surface. It reminds me so much of nature. Of how with our garden we can plant seeds and trust that with the right conditions and care that our garden will bloom. But sometimes it can be so hard to trust the process when there are parts of us that REALLY want to bloom NOW. I’ve really been noticing that in myself lately. There’s a part of me that is really desiring to date and there’s also this inner wisdom that’s saying “we’re getting closer but we’re not there yet.” I personally don’t believe that we ever arrive to a mythical land of being fully healed and that healing is more about a journey where we can tend to different pieces in small doable ways. But I also want to validate that we can both feel frustrated that there’s so many different pieces that we might want to heal and trust our own timing. For me right now that looks like:

Honoring my beautiful desires for dating and knowing that for me personally there’s still some healing that I want to tend to first.
Feeling into my current capacity and identifying that right now I’m putting a lot of my energy into my personal and professional healing development (I’m both doing another somatic trauma resolution professional training and a somatic sexuality course) and that it feels good to focus on those things.
Feeling this inner wisdom that having a lot of time to myself feels really healing, supportive and fun.

I’m trusting that there is so much wisdom when we really honor our unique healing timeline and also trusting that the bloom will come. Part of trusting in the bloom is also about exploring small doable ways we can tend to our roots. Just like you might water a plant, what are some ways you might “water” or tend to your own needs and healing?

The Somatic Mentorship:

The Somatic Mentorship is a private coaching program that I am currently enrolling students in. The Somatic Mentorship was created with the idea that the combination of attuned queer and neurodivergent affirming support and archetypal somatic trauma resolution coaching can create small and big shifts in your healing. In The Somatic Mentorship we’ll:

Have an intensive intake process and I’ll create a personalized coaching program just for you. Things like trauma and late identified neurodivergence can feel overwhelming and it can be so supportive to have a “map” of where you’re currently at, where you want to go and doable steps to get you there.
Three 75 minute coaching sessions a month. We’ll have a weekly session the first three weeks of each month and take the rest week off of each month to integrate.
Optional practices sent to you via email.

If you’re desiring support, I’d love to chat about if The Somatic Mentorship would be the right fit for you. You can learn more here.

Resources mentioned:

What I’m sharing about these pieces of consent and cooperation come from Rachael Maddox’s ABCs of Trauma Informed Care that I learned in her ReBloom coaching certification. You can learn more in her book ReBloom.

Thank you for reading!

I hope this blog post was supportive. If you’d like to share a bit about your experience with realizing that you’re Autistic later in life-please feel free to share in the comments.

The information contained in this blog post is for general educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical or mental health advice. The information provided is not a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. We expressly recommend that you seek advice from a professional familiar with your specific situation.